How Are You Showing Up?

Showing up in art, as in life, is everything.

Recently, I streamed “Showing Up,” a movie starring Michelle Williams as a glum, frumpy sculptor working at the Oregon College of Arts and Crafts in Portland. My husband was so bored that he walked out, grumbling, “There’s no plot.”

But I stuck it out. For me, the movie’s shots of Williams’s character painstakingly creating sculptures, along with footage of other artists at the college engaged in painting, throwing pots on a wheel, or just struggling with giant pieces of foam, served as a great reminder of the ordinariness of an artist’s daily life, and of the vast number of hours it takes to complete a project that will likely be unpaid, all while the world keeps throwing obstacles in your way.

The movie hit home because it has been nine years since I published my last novel, leading to uncomfortable remarks from friends and strangers, like, “Are you still writing?”

I am still writing, and joyfully so. But here’s the thing: writing and publishing are two different beasts. Sure, if you self-publish, you can take charge of your own publishing calendar. Some indie authors publish several novels a year, or even several novels each month. There is even chatter online about certain authors using AI tools to help them generate hundreds of novels a year. Good for them if they’ve figured out how to make a living as writers.

For better or worse, I am not one of those writers. My novels have been traditionally published, which means having an agent accept your work and shop it around to find an editor who wants to publish it. This process, as anyone knows who has tried it, is so damn daunting that it’s tempting to lie down and give up. Just querying agents can feel like a full-time job. And the rejections? Let’s not even talk about those.

Or no, let’s talk about them, because rejections in any artistic field are typically more common than acceptances. Since my last published novel, I have researched and written a novel based on the life of a 19^th-century poet, a psychological suspense novel set in San Francisco, and a suspense novel set along El Camino in Spain. None of them sold. My previous agent and I parted ways (amicably), which meant I had to find another agent.

My new agent, whose opinion is gold to me, liked the Spain novel but had suggestions for revisions. Another three months went by at my desk. Finally, the manuscript was ready to submit to my editor. She liked the first half of the novel, but saw problems in the second half, so it was back to my desk for another few months. Then I sent the book to the agent again.

And guess what? He made yet more suggestions, so I’ve revised it again. Now I’m hopeful that the book is ready. But if not, I will return to my desk and chew on it some more.

Showing up in art, as in life, is everything. We must be accountable, present, and engaged in our daily lives, earning enough money to pay the mortgage, taking the kids to soccer practice, driving a friend to chemo, or volunteering in our communities. Our lives are made up of these tiny, seemingly inconsequential moments, as are the books we write, the music and paintings we create, and the sweaters we knit. Every time you show up, you are making progress, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.